Exhausted to a point where life becomes a burden

About how being overworked and being bored can indeed coexist!

The moments in life where I wonder why I actually live (but to work to pay bills) and where I feel so exhausted to the point of wanting to die have multiplied since about 2020.

Moments where I am physically, mentally and emotionally so worn down that getting up in the morning becomes a real challenge are not rare. Why is that?

Well, the reasons for this exhaustion are multiple and I do not want to list them all here but one of them is: boredom.

Yes, you read that right: BOREDOM. My life is f*** boring!!

Wait a minute.... do I not also say that I work too much  - so how can I be bored?

I asked myself that same question over and over: how can it be that I am constantly overworked and at the same time bored to death?

Let me take one sidestep and tell you that I never get bored in my garden and I was the most happy and fulfilled person when I was walking in the dust and sand of the Santiago de Compostela trail - I was in my element.

Sitting in front of my computer all day long ruining my eyesight is not my element. 

The issue is, I don't have time and energy anymore for the things I really like doing in life - and here you have it: I am bored because I spend most of my time with an activity that is contrary to my nature.  It's not the job in itself - my work is all but boring. But my life as such is ... empty, because it is only about work - work to earn money to pay bills. Every day, without real break since YEARS.

As I don't have time anymore to do the things I like, I have been gliding, slowly but surely, into a state of complete exhaustion at all levels, with the consequences on my physical health that come along with it, panic attacks, sleeplessness and the like. It's dreadful.

I discussed this once with my therapist and she asked: "What, if you in your grave, would be attractive enough to get your out of your grave?"

Yes , that question sounds rather gruesome at first and my first reaction was: nothing. I've had enough of it.

But then, if I was given the chance to travel and see the world...travel in nature, that is, then I would be happy to step out of my grave.

That's why I am planning now my trip, and having that perspective gives me the direction and motivation to carry on...for now...and for a maximum of 8 years.

What would need to be in place to get YOU out of your grave?